Austerity Christmas

Helpful festive tips, part one

      Now, with the terrible financial state that the country is in the Two Terriers have decided to step into the breach to help everyone save money this Christmas but still have a jolly good time.
      Forget the expensive rare breed turkey or the rib of prime beef on Christmas Day, go for that wartime favourite SPAM or luncheon meat as it is called by the middle class. To make one of these fabulous slicers get down to the shed and knock one up to surprise the family. Before you slice your 'bird' stick a cleaned seagull feather in each side for that full festive look.
      The Christmas bonus? Your leftover SPAM is already sliced for deep frying in batter on Boxing Day, that'll keep the cold out.
      Below is yet another tip that will make austerity seem exciting.

      To make that bottle of lovely British Sweet Sherry, Sanatogen, Thunderbird or Wincarnis Tonic Wine last right through the festive season just follow the handy tip above. It'll help keep your daily intake of alcohol units down and your meanness will be the envy of your neighbours.
      Obviously these hints and tips don't apply to MP's, Eurocrats or top ranking civil servants because luncheon meat simply doesn't come in trough sized tins and everyone knows that forty year old Port has to be drunk in one sitting.